What happens in mediation?

What is family mediation?

Family mediation is a way to sort out problems with someone in your family through having a dialogue managed by an independent and trained person. Mediation is an alternative dispute resolution route which can help to cut down argument, time and costs so that you can move on with your life.

If you do decide to go to court for your divorce, your child arrangements order, or your financial order, you will be asked to consider mediation first, usually though attending a MIAM (Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting). This doesn’t mean that you have to chose mediation, however most people find mediation helpful and come back for mediation after the MIAM.

You talk with a trained helper

A specially trained person called a mediator helps you and the other person talk calmly.

The mediator is there for everyone

The mediator does not take sides. They help both people to be heard.

What you say stays private

Everything said in mediation is kept private. It will not be shared with a court. The only time confidentiality could be breached by the mediator would be in the case of a disclosure of serious crime, harm or potential harm to a child or adult. This is known as the safeguarding duty.

Mediation does require full and frank financial disclosure. This information is required by the courts to make a financial order, so it makes sense to cover it within the mediation session. However, in mediation you are making the financial decisions and then asking the court to agree, rather than having the decisions made by the court without your input.

You may still need advice from a lawyer or financial advisor

In fact, we recommend that you do. However because mediation leads to agreements that you have made together it can significantly cut down on the amount of work you need from legal or financial experts.

There are different practical ways that mediation can happen

For example a lot of mediation takes place online these days. This means that you can each be in a private place where you feel comfortable and don’t need to travel to the sessions.

One or more of the sessions can happen without you and the other person being in the same room (including online rooms). In this case the mediator ‘shuttles’ between rooms.

In some family mediation other experts are invited directly into the mediation. The most important experts in a case involving children is the children themselves. Where appropriate a ‘child inclusive mediator’ can be asked to talk with the children and share information with the parents separately.

In some case we invite other experts, such as lawyers or financial advisors directly into a meeting.

What happens in mediation?

You have a first meeting on your own

The mediator meets each person separately first. This is called an intake or MIAM (Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting). It is a chance to ask questions and see if mediation is right for you. It’s important to discuss any concerns that you have about the process.

You meet together with the mediator

If both people agree, you then meet together. The mediator helps you take turns to speak and listen to each other.

You work out what you each need

The mediator helps you explore different options. You do not have to agree on everything all at once.

You write down what you have agreed

If you reach an agreement, the mediator writes it down. You can then ask a solicitor to help to make it legally binding.

Important things to know

✅ Mediation is your choice. You do not have to do it if you do not want to.

✅ You are in control. You and the other person make the decisions — not the mediator.

✅ You can stop at any time. If mediation is not working, you can leave.

✅ Help with the cost may be available via legal aid or a voucher scheme, we can help you to access these where available.

⚠️ If there has been domestic abuse, we need to be able to ensure that the mediation is safe and suitable. Always tell us if you are worried about your safety.

⚠️ If a child is at risk of harm, the courts, the police or another service may need to get involved straight away.