We’re going to meet another Antworks Family mediation character. This time Grandad Robin is getting a bit worried.
Robin spent his working life as a groundskeeper, and even in retirement he still can’t walk past an overgrown hedge without itching to tidy it. He’s thoughtful, a bit stuck in his ways, and makes jokes that aren’t always quite as funny as he thinks. But everyone who knows him knows his heart is in the right place.
Lately, though, Robin’s been sitting with his favourite mug of tea feeling something closer to worry than warmth. His son Lee’s marriage, to Taylor, has been struggling for a long time, and Robin can see how tired and strained Lee has become trying to stay close to his own children, Kai and Rocky. Robin used to get on brilliantly with Taylor enjoying Sunday lunches, easy chats, no awkwardness at all. But since things between Lee and Taylor became difficult, that warmth has cooled too. Robin’s started to worry, quietly, about whether he’ll still get to see his grandchildren the way he used to.
If you’re a grandparent in Robin’s position, that worry is a really common one. So let’s gently talk through where grandparents actually stand.
What are Robin’s legal rights?
Here’s the honest answer, kindly put: in England and Wales, grandparents don’t have an automatic legal right to see their grandchildren. That can come as a surprise, and it can feel unfair, but it’s simply how the law is structured. Decisions about children usually sit with whoever holds parental responsibility, normally the parents.
That doesn’t mean grandparents have no options. Under the Children Act 1989, a grandparent can apply to the family court for a Child Arrangements Order, which can set out when and how a child spends time with them. There’s one extra step for grandparents, though, that parents don’t have to take: in most cases, they first need the court’s permission, known as “leave”, to make the application at all. The court looks at things like how connected the grandparent already is to the child, and whether the application could unsettle the child’s life. There are a few exceptions to needing leave (for example, if a grandchild has lived with them for a good while), but for most grandparents in Robin’s situation, this extra step applies. It’s always good to access legal advice if you can, even if you don’t end up going through a court process.
Throughout all of it, the child’s welfare always comes first, above what any adult in the family wants, including Robin himself. That’s not a barrier so much as a reminder of what everyone, Robin included, actually wants: for Kai and Rocky to feel safe, settled, and loved by the whole family around them.
Why going to court isn’t where Robin should start
Court can feel like the obvious next step when you’re worried about losing contact. But it’s rarely the best first one. It can be slow, costly, and emotionally draining, and it can end up hardening exactly the tensions everyone wants to soften. In fact, before anyone can even apply to court, they’re expected to have at least considered mediation first. When Robin speaks to his solicitor they will explain this, and can explain about mediation too.
That’s really good news for Robin, because mediation is a much gentler place to start. It’s a calm, structured space where family members can talk things through with the help of a neutral mediator. Not to fight for a legal outcome, but to find a workable way forward together
What Robin can actually do
The best first step for Robin isn’t a legal one at all it’s a conversation. Talking to Lee, honestly and warmly, about how worried he feels, and gently suggesting that mediation might help Lee and Taylor find calmer ground with each other. If things do settle between Lee and Taylor, Robin’s own relationship with Kai and Rocky often settles too, simply as part of that wider picture. And if Robin still feels shut out further down the line, mediation is somewhere he could consider attending himself, to talk things through directly.
For someone like Robin, who cares deeply, gets easily overwhelmed by too much information, and just wants his family to be alright. That’s a far kinder path than heading straight for a solicitor’s letter (Of course, we always suggest legal advice alongside learning about mediation).
Ready to find out more?
We are confident that mediation can be a safe, successful, and cost-effective alternative to a court-only process. Small things really can make a big difference — even a cup of tea and an honest conversation with your son.
When you are ready to talk to someone about family mediation use our contact form to email enquiries@antworksfamilymediation.co.uk or call 01706 813 280 for an informal, no-pressure conversation about what mediation could do for your family.
Antworks Family Mediation — serving Todmorden, the Calder Valley, East Lancashire, West Yorkshire, and online.