MIAM (Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting) can sound official, so here’s what one actually involves, using our Antworks Family Mediation characters as an example.
Meet Lee
Lee is a junior doctor, a busy dad, and running on empty. He and Taylor have two children, Kai (fifteen, with a lot on their mind) and Rocky (seven, autistic, and mad about dinosaurs). The marriage has struggled for a long time, and both parents are exhausted. Lee wants to keep being a present dad but Kai’s often busy elsewhere when he visits, and a trip to the park with Rocky ended in tears when Rocky didn’t want to leave the neighbour’s children. Lee’s started to feel Taylor is pulling the children away from him, and that’s made conversations difficult. Before either parent can apply to court about the children, the law requires them to consider mediation first so Lee, after talking to his solicitor, has booked a MIAM.
What is a MIAM?
An individual meeting between one parent and a mediator, with two jobs: explaining what mediation is, and asking some questions to check if it’s appropriate. It’s not a test, and the mediator doesn’t take sides. As Helen tells Lee: her job is to help two people talk, not referee who’s right.
The principles
Mediation is voluntary (either parent can step back), impartial (the mediator doesn’t take sides or decide for you), confidential (with narrow, explained exceptions around safety), and about informed decisions. You make the choices, the mediator helps you make them well.
A voice for the children
Helen mentions Child Inclusive Mediation. Its optional, and only where appropriate, a trained mediator hears separately from children how they’re feeling. They’re never asked to choose between parents, and their views are never the final word just a gentle addition to the process. For a teenager absorbing tension quietly, and a younger child needing routine, that can help
Checking it’s the right fit
Helen asks everyone, gently, whether there’s been any violence, threats, or behaviour that’s made anyone feel unsafe. For Lee, the answer is no; this is exhaustion and assumptions building up, not danger.
Where real safety concerns exist, mediation may not be appropriate, and other support is explained instead. But it isn’t always a straightforward no: where safety can be assured, mediation’s impartiality can be empowering for someone who’s experienced abuse or control, giving them a fair say. Options like shuttle mediation (parents speak to the mediator separately) or meeting online can help keep everyone safe.
The cost
Helen explains the Family Mediation Voucher Scheme which provides up to £500 towards joint sessions where children’s arrangements are involved. It doesn’t cover the MIAM but if you go on to mediation the voucher isn’t means-tested, so it’s worth having regardless of income. The mediator applies for it directly. Some people may be eligible for legal aid. This does cover the cost of the MIAM and you can apply before you attend.
Helen will still advise Lee and Taylor to access legal advice, and probably financial advice too, but still mediation can help to get through the discussions and the process a lot faster, and cheaper, than a legal only route to separation.
What happens next
Helen sees two exhausted parents, two children needing consistency, and nothing standing in the way of mediation. Next, she’ll invite Taylor in for her own MIAM, so both parents have the same information before deciding together whether to go ahead. Helen always suggests that they also keep their solicitors updated, so that they are on hand and well informed when needed.
Ready to find out more?
We are confident that mediation can be a safe, successful, lasting, and cost-effective alternative to a court-only process. Small things really can make a big difference.
When you’re ready to talk to someone about family mediation use our contact form to email enquiries@antworksfamilymediation.co.uk or call us on 01706 813 280 for an informal, no-pressure conversation about what mediation could do for you.
Family Mediation in Todmorden, Calder Valley, East Lancashire, West Yorkshire & online